


The Butterflies Who's Wings Were Painted With Pain

by wingsflapandahurricanebrews



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: M/M, Slight warning of mentions of self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-22 20:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10704273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsflapandahurricanebrews/pseuds/wingsflapandahurricanebrews
Summary: Clay's becoming isolated. Clay's father is worried and asks for Tony's help.





	The Butterflies Who's Wings Were Painted With Pain

**Author's Note:**

> There is mentions of self-destructive behaviors, so be aware.

There was a small, tiny fractal part of everyone affected by the tapes that once they were released, they'd be able to breathe. Instead, the tapes circled around like vultures in the sky, swooping for them occasionally. Everything become more constricting, no room to breathe.

Jessica acted like everything was fine, but was only doing so because she'd shatter like a bullet hitting glass if she didn't. 

No one saw Justin since the day he disappeared. 

Alex was in a coma.

Mr. Porter was on paid leave as the school was investigated. 

Bryce was awaiting trial, but everyone knew that he'd get off with a warning, if that. 

Marcus and Courtney seemed to disappear. 

Sheri had her license taken away, and has community service. 

Zach became a ghost wandering the halls. 

Tyler didn't take many pictures anymore. 

Ryan acted like nothing affected him, but there was a certain presence that told that he was lying. 

Clay seemed to pull away. He wouldn't meet any glances. He'd give a small, fake, smile if anyone asked. He didn't talk anymore. His skin seemed paler, and he looked dead. 

It was rare that Clay ever talked to anyone, and so when he texted Tony asking if he'd want to hang out, he jumped at the chance.

He knew it'd be them sitting in silence as they did their homework, but it was a chance for him to make sure Clay knew he wasn't alone. 

He'd just walked in, greeting Mr. Jensen with a warm smile. 

"Before you go up, can I speak with you?" Mr. Jensen seemed to hesitate slightly after he spoke, perhaps it'd be better if he didn't burden Tony. Tony glanced at him in surprise. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure," Tony felt the concern flow through his features as he followed him to the living room. They both took a seat, and in that moment, Tony could see the stress on Mr. Jensen's face. 

"It's not a secret that Clay isn't okay," he started, immediately taking him glasses off to rub his head. "The tapes being released is destroying him, even though it's what he wanted," there was a deafening moment of silence as Mr. Jensen tried to find the words. "I'm worried. But I'm a parent, it's harder to talk to me, than it is for him to talk to you," he paused again, briefly glancing to where Tony sat patiently. "I need you to watch him. Try to find out what he's going through. I," there was a sharp intake of air. "I don't want to find him like Hannah's parents found her," he finished, sliding his glasses back on. Tony blew out a breath. 

"I'll try, I will. I think out of everyone you know how Clay is. He won't open up unless he really wants to," Tony expressed, feeling a sudden weight pressing down on his shoulders, he sighed. Mr. Jensen sighed and nodded.

"But he trusts you," he stated, blinking away a layer of tears. Tony nodded and stood up, grabbing his bag before turning and jogging up the steps. 

He took a breath before knocking. Clay opened the door quickly, allowing access. Clay nodded in greeting before going to take a seat on his bed. 

The silence wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't deafening, it was just.... there. Lingering in a way that made everything feel heavier. 

Tony tapped his pencil against the binder he was holding, watching Clay as he stared at his paper. His stare was empty, and it was quite obvious that he was lost in thoughts. 

•:• Clay •:•

It wasn't that he felt like he was drowning, like most people described how they were feeling. 

It felt like he was locked away from reality in a way, stuck in a time where pain fluttered around like a butterfly in the spring. 

He felt alone. He couldn't help it. No matter the reassurance from Tony, or his parents, he felt like they were only saying that because they felt obligated to. 

He wasn't intentionally adopting self-destructive tendencies, rather accidentally. 

He didn't realize he'd forgotten to eat. He didn't realize he wasn't sleeping as much. He didn't realize he was isolating himself. 

A deep part of him was whispering to stop, but the emotional part was quiet and controlling. 

He felt like the pain he had, he earned. He didn't save her. He didn't do what he could have. He didn'tdidn'tdidn'tdidn'tdidn'tdidn't-

"Clay?" he broke his concentration to look to where Tony leaned against the wall, his binder laying in front of him. He looked concerned. He sounded concerned. 

"Yeah?" It felt odd to use his voice, as he didn't anymore. He remained quiet throughout the day, too lost in thought to speak to anyone. Tony seemed surprised to get a response. His lips parted and he seemed to debate what he was going to say. 

They silence wasn't there anymore, instead there was an empty coldness to the room. The air was heavier than before, and it seemed harder to breathe. 

"Are you okay?" Tony asked tentatively, almost waiting for an outburst. Clay smiled slightly, a painful smile, but a smile nonetheless. 

"Yeah," he replied shortly. Tony hesitated. 

"I don't think you are," he replied gently, reaching to set a hand on Clay's shoulder. Clay's smile dropped. 

"I'm fine," he shrugged off Tony's hand, and ignored the pained look Tony gave him. He began to focus on his homework. "Maybe you should go home?" Clay questioned, not looking back. Tony took a painful breath before nodding, even though Clay wasn't paying attention. 

•:• Tony •:•

He retrieved his things, watching as Clay tried to focus on his homework. It wouldn't be much longer before he'd crash and burn. He just needed to make sure he didn't crash and burn all alone. He quietly left Clay's room, glancing back one last time to find Clay staring at the wall. 

He continued on, and a part of him told him he'd regret it. That he should go back and really try to talk to Clay. 

"Are you leaving already?" Mrs. Jensen sent him a shaky smile, almost asking if he'd gotten anything out of Clay. Tony smiled slightly, nodding. 

"Yeah, I've got chores and things to do," he explained quietly, glancing up the stairs. He looked in time to see Clay look at him before closing the door. Mrs. Jensen pursed her lips, nodding. 

"Have a nice night, Tony," she murmured, turning back to the kitchen. It was then that he noticed her hands shaking. 

This whole family's falling apart, he thought to himself as he left. And no one's noticing.

-

He had stopped by Clay's house, ready to give him a ride. Clay's parents gave him a small smile, telling him that Clay had already left. Tony had thanked them before leaving, sighing quietly as he'd climbed into his car. 

He knew Clay was spiraling. He needed to have a plan. 

Tony pulled into the school's parking lot in time to see Clay walking towards the entrance. He'd quickly parked and jogged to catch up. Clay had only given him a sideways glance, walking towards his locker. 

"Your locker isn't over here," Clay mumbled, twisting the lock. Tony swallowed, glancing around the hall, watching as people laughed and chatted. It was loud. 

"I know," he muttered. "I really need to talk to you," he pleaded, watching as Clay turned to him for a moment. 

"I have class," Clay replied, reaching for his books. 

"After school, I'll give you a ride. We'll talk then?" Tony planned, watching as Clay debated before slowly nodding. 

He wasn't going to push him too much.

Clay shut his locker, walking away. He sighed, glancing around to find Jessica watching him. He shot her a confused glance, to which she walked over. 

"You're talking to him, right?" she questioned, watching Clay as he walked towards his first class. "He's not okay, and it's starting to freak me out," she told him, turning to look at Tony once Clay disappeared. 

"I'm trying. He's not very cooperative," Tony told her, walking alongside her as they walked toward their own classes. 

"I'm scared, Tony," at the sincere fear, he turned to find her looking at him. "First Alex, and then if he," she swallowed.

"He won't," Tony cut her off. She frowned but nodded. 

"Okay. If- if, you need any help," she paused, staring ahead. "If you need help talking to him, uh, just call," she finished, snapping out of her trance. She gave him a sad smile before going to her class. 

He has one chance. One chance to really talk to Clay. He needs to use it wisely. 

-  
The day passed by slowly, adding to Tony's anxiety. He'd been trying to catch glances of Clay throughout the day, but he'd failed so far. It was last period, and he was ready to rush to find Clay. 

He was focused on the clock. 3.....2.....1! He grabbed him bag, ignoring the sputtering teacher. He entered the crowd, searching for Clay. He spotted the familiar blue hoodie, and he immediately pushed through the crowd. He reached out and laid a hand on Clay's shoulder, watching as he turned around. 

"Tony, hey," Clay greeted, nodding to him. Tony smiled slightly. 

"Clay. You ready?" he questioned as Clay shut his locker. 

"Help me grab my bike?" Tony nodded and followed him out, walking alongside him as they went towards his car. Clay placed his bike in the trunk before climbing into the passengers seat. Tony watched him for a second, finally noticing the damage that was being done. 

His scar wasn't healing well, he had dark bags under his eyes, and he was extremely pale. 

He looked away from Clay for a moment to start his car, and in that moment he noticed Jessica watching them. She nodded and turned away. 

"I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday," Clay started. Tony watched as he swallowed. "I'm not okay," he paused again, looking Tony in the eye. "And, I don't know what to do," he finished, looking away immediately. 

"Clay?" 

"Yeah?"

"Let's take it step by step, okay?" 

"Okay."

"And Clay?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm right here," Tony told him, watching as Clay smiled slightly. "You talk, I drive?" he proposed. Clay nodded.

"Where are we going?"

"Just driving, Clay. Just driving."

Days after that and things seemed to get better, slowly and gradually Clay was getting proper help. Tony had noticed the change in his parents as well. Mrs. Jensen was shaky anymore, her anxiety dying down as he son opened up. Mr. Jensen would give him a smile every time he came over. 

It wasn't necessarily a happy ending, but it wasn't a terrible one either.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Find me on Tumblr, @ wingsflapandahurricanebrews !


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